Short answer? Alcohol. I'm just kidding. We've had the pleasure of being complimented on how strong we are as parents. How we handle each new situation, surgery, and/or procedure with what appears to be ease.
Truth be told, it's a cover up, what you see on the outside simply does not compare to what is actually happening on the inside. The turmoil of every possible bad thing that can happen is slowly rumbling up inside us like a tsunami that no amount of technology could detect coming.
It's hard to sit in a room with machines and doctors while listening intently as they describe the latest test that needs to be done to determine the diagnosis and prognosis of your child, knowing there is not a single thing you can do. I honestly think that's the worst part, the part where there is not one single thing you can do. You can't change it, you can't take the pain for them, you can't undergo the treatment for them, nothing, not one single thing you can do. But, what we can do, we will do. We put on a brave face, because while she is in room too she looks to us for reassurance, but just as much as we don't know, she knows even less.
We do what we can as parents, give them reassurance, put a smile on our face when we don't want to, make the experience as best as possible for them, say all the prayers, and ensure her supporters of family and friends are praying along with us.
Her diagnosis is a big deal, but how we deal with it is up to us. I want nothing more sometimes than to curl up in a ball, hide in the corner, scream and cry it out until I have literally cried out all the water from my body, but what will that do? In the end nothing, it wouldn't even make me feel better. I would feel exhausted from the crying, I would feel awful for having caused more anxiety to my daughter and everything that she has to endure and I'd feel ashamed for not being brave enough to deal with it all.
Please don't misunderstand, I do have my "break" moments, you know the moments when it all becomes too much to bear sometimes and I do cry in a little ball in the corner. Those brief moments are necessary but they don't need to be known, I make sure my daughter can't hear me. I have my man to lean on for these moments and then I look to him for reassurance.
I know it's not easy when your child has to go through any type of pain but having a plan in place to deal with these experiences can help. Here are some possible plans; surround yourself with a circle of loved ones that you can freely vent to, prayer is always a powerful way to handle things, having a spot to cry it out comfortably, even having a journal to write it out can help immensely.
Thinking ahead of ways to help them deal with situations could help to. For Valencia for example, any time I know she has a big important doctor visit coming up, I do my best to change the way she views the visit. When I know we are going to Scottish Rite, the visits usually take up a large part of the day, but whenever we are done we play on their playground, grab lunch at a new spot, and visit one our favorite thrift shops to find a new treasure. I take the time to discuss the visit with her, answer any questions she may have and reassure her that she isn't going through this alone, Mom and Dad are right there every step of the way.
Always reach out if you find yourself unable to deal with these really big issues, it helps to talk about it with someone else that has been there too.
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