I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

We are raising an independent woman in a wheelchair.

If you said the title by singing it, then we are definitely friends. It's a Webbie thing. LOL. 

We are in fact raising a woman, and as most parents we want our child to grow up as a strong, God-loving, lovable, independent woman. It's just a tad bit harder though when your child depends on a wheelchair to get around. It's her lifeline to accessibility. We tell V all the time, sure strangers open the doors for you, move out of the way for you and even go out of their way to ensure your able to get around without you having to ask now (she's a child in a wheelchair, empathy just follows her around) but as you get older that won't always be the case. 

For some unknown reason, either that be because people worry about offending those with a handicap, or if inclusion really does mean doing everything by yourself when your disabled, I've noticed that adults with handicaps aren't prone to having doors opened or pathways cleared. So, we are teaching V to use her voice, advocate for herself, it's o.k. to ask for help when you need help. Not all doors have the push button for wheelchairs and walkers so if you need assistance speak up, we have found that most people quickly assist when they are given the o.k. to. 

Advocacy is a part of being independent, it's an important part of growing up for any children. It's just as important when your an adult too. Raising an independent woman in a wheelchair can have it's challenges but it goes without saying that there have been plenty of independent woman before her, and many that will learn from V after her as well. Ironically, each one paving the way for the one to come behind them, making it more accessible, more appropriate for all handicaps, after-all, accessibility isn't a privilege it's a right! 

It takes a village

Valencia is gonna go to big kid school

Valencia is headed to kindergarten, big kid school! I'm excited and happy about this new milestone. She's gonna go to the same school as me, so it will be a lot easier in the mornings and I'm there should she need anything. It's gonna be so great!

One small, teeny, tiny issue. Our campus is large for a five year old, especially for a five year old that doesn't walk well for long distances. She can walk around a classroom just fine but to ask her to walk from the classroom to specials, (ie. PE, Art, Music) and to and from the cafeteria, is a difficult task to ask. She needs a wheelchair. Oh, my goodness. I have sooo many thoughts right now;

    

• How do we get her a wheelchair?
• Will it be made in time for her to begin school with?
• How much does this costs?
• How are we going to do this God?

I'd like to say that I'm a sane parent, I don't panic, I don't cry out in stress, I don't worry about things that I have no control over. Psst, who am I kidding? Yes I do!! and in this moment panic and pain were real not just some mythical greek creatures made up to tell the story of Hercules.

We got Valencia measured for her wheelchair and it has to be made specifically for her due to her body and her needs. Insurance can cover a large portion but our out of pocket quote had us in shock. Our out of pocket portion was gonna be $5,000.00. Now, many of you might not know this but we do not receive disability benefits for V. The government states that I make too much to be eligible to receive any kind of assistance for her. I won't bore you with my soap box on the disability drama for now (saved for a later post) but needless to say we weren't gonna be getting help there. We were on a time limit to pay the out of pocket amount because her wheelchair had to be made in time for school to start so we only had two months. Enter her village, someone suggested starting a go fund me. 

We are huge proponents of our daughter, so our responsibility. Asking for assistance was never one of our go to's so this option was messing with us mentally. Up until this point we've been able to provide everything Valencia has needed and wanted so realizing that we couldn't provide one of her major needs was difficult to admit. We ultimately had no choice, our time was running out and her wheelchair needed to be ordered ASAP. I did it, I created the go fund me and put it out to our social media platforms. When I say within 24 hours, literally 24 hours of us creating the go fund me, we had the money raised. 

God did it, he showed us to trust him as always and he would provide. Even now 7 years later as I type this I'm in tears thinking of how people who I hadn't spoken to since high school donated, people who I only knew through social media donated, people who I know didn't have much to give still donated what they could. I stay in amazement even still. 

Thank you again to her village, for providing when we couldn't, for helping when we needed it, for continuing to support V even though it means just reading and sharing her story. Thank you, truly. 

We payed our out of pocket, ordered her wheelchair, V inherited a new nickname and we inherited a new worry. Everyone say hello to Nascar! 

Her first day in her wheelchair

Empathy or Sympathy

Let me ask you a question. When you look at someone in a wheelchair, what do you think? Genuinely, what do you REALLY think? Are you filled with sympathy? Do you wonder what happened that got them there? Do you think, I'm so glad that's not me? Maybe you think, how can I help them? or tell yourself not to stare and not to ask what happened because it's none of your business after-all. If I'm being totally honest all of those thoughts were mine at one time or another...BEFORE, before I now know the answers to those questions being on the other side of those thoughts. 

It's easy to wonder, people in general are the curious type. It's not o.k. to ask though, believe me when I tell you how truly offensive it is to have a thought that something is "wrong" with the person sitting in the wheelchair. Truth be told there is nothing wrong them, none, of them. You don't ask a person that drives a Ford what's wrong them because that's how they get from point A to point B do you? So, it's no different than those that use a wheelchair to get around, nothing is wrong with them. They don't want your sympathy, no need to feel sorry for them, for most they have come to embrace their way of life. Empathy, however, empathy, is welcome. It's easy to look at someone who in your opinion has to do things in way that may seem "harder", but who's to say it's really harder for all you know walking around Disney World in Florida heat may seem "harder" to them than sitting and enjoying the ride. 

It's important to remember to emphasize with all and sympathize with none. Hold a door open, step out of the way perhaps, but don't look down on (pun intended) those that use wheels to get around, as we've grown to learn it's "wheel-ly" not a bad gig after-all. Have questions? Please feel free to ask. It's a safe space here to ask the questions you might not feel comfortable asking anyone else. 

To ask or not to ask, is that even a question?

Valencia was once asked by a fellow student "what's wrong with you?" without hesitation she responded with a "nothing, what's wrong with you?" I turned my face and giggled, I was both amused and proud of her response. 👏 We never discussed how to handle situations like this so her response was genuine and funny. If you know my daughter then you know that her heart is sincere. 

It did raise an interesting point however, how should one ask about her journey? 🤔 Whats the proper way and how do we welcome the conversation. We have no trouble discussing her journey but the way it is asked can be critical in the return response. 

Here are the best ways to ask should you wonder about anyone's health/ life/condition.

• Would you tell me about your journey? 

• What happened?

• Was she born this way or was there an injury?

Here is how NOT to ask unless you want the south side of where G and I come from to come out!  

• What's wrong with her? (Side note: nothing)

• Did she fall or something? (Yes, this has been asked)

• She can walk why does she need a wheelchair. ( insert eyeroll here) 

Remember that with most disabilities or families with disabilities, we are more than willing to share and discuss our stories (ie. Our blog). What we are NOT willing to accept is the fact that someone may think that there is anything wrong with them, because there isn't. They were made special, beautiful and different BUT not weaker! Ask away.